I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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