Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i think my tv is drunk
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Text me some of your sweat
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
