My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
