Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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