I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
