Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
