Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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