I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
