Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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