Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
