Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
