my mouth tastes like poor choices
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
