Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Randomize
