Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Randomize
