Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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