Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
