T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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