Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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