HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
