the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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