If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
