We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You are a genius and a whore.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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