im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
