My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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