You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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