From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
this will be a night to untag.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
