just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
