call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You are a genius and a whore.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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