If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Too much gin, very little bucket
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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