The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
