I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
