cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm really busy with my period
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
