By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
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Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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