I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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