What did we do last night that was yellow?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
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Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
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Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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