Plan B is the new Plan A
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
