My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I think my moral compass just broke
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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