you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He did a backflip because drugs
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