hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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