Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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