she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
