you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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