My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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