Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
