Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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