you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
