I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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