I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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