At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
