I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
