Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
tonight lets celebrate not being married
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
