Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
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Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
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be right there i have to get my cape
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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