The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
