I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Randomize
