I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
