Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
