my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
