I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
the gays at disneyland are vicious
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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