If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
