OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
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Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
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I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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