Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
