Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
