So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
They took my balls.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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