So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
