I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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