Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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