in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
