I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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