how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she smelled like a LAN party
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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