I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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